the four right chords can make me cry

got angry with my mom today. i might have raised my voice at her, was slightly rude. i feel bad about it, but right now still feel pissed off if i think about it.

i clocked up 351 messages last month. darren beat me hands down with 768. my mom scolded me, said i message too much. I told her its not reasonable to expect me to use the phone the way she and dad do, never messaging anyone. I told her (like i do everytime she complains) that if she really wants to save money that much she should just change my plan. she absolutely refused. too mah fan she said! (what a weak excuse) that really pissed me off. i get blamed all the time, yelled at, just because she is too stubborn to admit that changing plan is a good idea. "How do you know it will be cheaper???" (my mom NEVER admits she's wrong)

so i sulk there, anger just simmering. then darren comes into the room and heads straight for the comp. my mom tells him nicely (no accusational tone as when she was talking to me) that he messaged alot last month. then he said, "why not change plan?" then she tells him, you go find out more about it for me. ARGH. that was it, i stormed out of the room, just could NOT take it anymore.

ivin told me once that parents do make mistakes, especially with their oldest, its their first attempt at parenting afterall, should cut them some slack. can see my mom learning on her feet here. children do NOT like being accused, so switch tone with darren, say it nicely. lesson 2; changing plan might save money, (although i'll never admit it to becky), give it a shot with darren.

i know i know... but i do so hate being the guniea pig. it just seems so unfair. I messaged MUCH less than darren. ok 351 is still quite alot, but its not that bad. darren more than doubled me and he gets talked to nicely while i get yelled at. sigh.

but i know i shouldnt have been rude. "in your anger do not sin." i should be more adult about these things. respect them even when they are irrational. thats what i tell the cell group ppl and i failed at it myself.

what a sucky feeling. at once blisteringly angry, hypocritical, helplessly guilty and rejected by my mother. =(

posted by beckyboo @ 9:36 PM